You're gunna do what now?
by Spyder1070
Summary: Brand new story. ONE SHOT. Murdoc is thinking about talking to his fans again. So he contacts the people at "ZFE" to get the ball rolling. Read to see what happens next. Reviews would be nice.


**BRAND NEW STORY.**

_**Inspired by the way the band had, in the past, attempted to talk to the fans on the **Gorillaz. com** forum: AKA "The OMB" or "Hell". Depending on whether or not a returning member can get over the initial shock of being torn up, and spat out for being a n00b. [NOTE: Registration to the forum is closed at the moment. No one knows when or if it will open again].**_

_**When or if it does re-open.**_

_**To anyone who may be considering returning, registering. If you like fanfictions, RPs and chatspeak? DON'T under any circumstances, GO TO THE OMB AND DO IT! They will chew you up and spit you out. I suggest instead, that you go here...**_

_Gorillaz Safe Haven. net_

_**They are much nicer people.**_

_**If you tend to type properly almost all of the time, and don't RP or use a lot of emoticons. Feel free to join us at the OMB. Just don't ask a lot of Gorillaz related questions, or make three hundred posts about the same thing. READ EVERY POST in relation to the question you wish to ask. BEFORE you make a new topic. Not many will forgive you if you don't. OK?**_

_**Back to the topic in question.**_

_**This story is my way of showing you what I mean about how the band was treated, in the time they were there. And "possibly" why they didn't post very often, and why they eventually may of stopped altogether. (The transcript of what 2D reads in the GU topic, can be found here **Gorillaz Unofficial. com** Just do what he did, and you'll find it).**_

With a new album on the way, and the fans slowly beginning to trickle back into the 'Official Gorillaz forum'. Murdoc contacts the people at 'ZombieFleshEaters', and tells them he wants to give talking to the fans one more try.

"I mean, times passed you know. I reckon they're old enough to of got all that kiddie star-struck crap out of their system". He shrugs down the phone. The man on the other end agrees, and says he'll get the team onto re-building the 'Chat-O-Matic' and getting the forum itself up and running again.

"And make sure that stupid Chat-O thinger. Can't be hacked into this time mate"! He half snaps. And with that hangs up. Sitting back in his chair, he draws heavily on the remains of his cigarette thoughtfully. Then butts it out in the overfull ashtray in front of him. Russel, who had just walked into the room and heard the last part of the conversation, approaches him and grunts.

"I dunno man. Dey do tend tah git a bit excited. Yah dig? I mean it's not like dey git much of an opportunity tah talk tah us one on one"?

Murdoc rubs the stubble on his chin, staring blankly ahead. The sound rasps heavily through the room and seems to emphasize the feelings involved. Russel wonders if perhaps Murdoc hadn't heard him, and steps forwards. Murdoc half turns his head in his direction and nods slowly.

"Mmmm. I saw what they were like. I was there. Twenty people, all scrambling to answer at once. You hardly had a chance to answer even one of them, before they'd suddenly go and respond again. Sometimes it would screw up the forum enough, to make it look like you'd gone and double posted. Morons. In the end, the only thing we could do to warrant our time being there, was to talk to each other".Russel nods and scratches the back of his head.

"Dat's true enuff. Butcha can' t'ink all dats gunna stop dead? I mean, we've bin gone ten years man. If anyt'ing, dey might'a got worse"?

"Who's got worse"? 2D asks entering the room. The two band members turn to look at the Keyboardist. Who approaches a chair and sits down heavily into it.

"Dah fans." Russel answers him.

"Yeah. I'm thinking of returning to talking to the idiots on the forum again". Murdoc pipes in tapping the computer screen in front of him, with a long sharp talon. 2D mouths a silent 'Oh'. And scratches his arm. He looks up at the blank computer screen in front of him and tips his head slightly to his shoulder.

"They kept wantin' ta rape me all'a time". The younger man mumbles, and shudders slightly at the memory. Russel and Murdoc nod silently, remembering that themselves. And look up at the blank computer screen thinking.

"Me to". Murdoc quietly answers. "Mind you, I didn't mind that much." he suddenly adds a little louder with a chuckle.

"You wouldn't". 2D and Russel answer in unison, neither one turning from the computer screen. Murdoc gives them a half grimacing smile, and leans heavily further back in his chair. The three band members continue to silently stare at the blank computer screen, almost lost in deep thought.

"But". Murdoc suddenly says loudly, breaking the silence. "As I said. Maybe they've grown out of most of that stuff"? He sits forwards again, slapping his hands down on his thighs and pressing himself up to a standing position. He walks to the door, looking back at them once, before heading out of the room. 2D and Russel watch him go, then turn and look at one another. They both sigh heavily and look back at the computer once again.

"I doubt it". They reply quietly with a shrug.

Later that day. 2D is sitting on his bed in his room, trying to remember what exactly it was like back then on the forum. In truth, he only has a few scraps of memories. Bits and pieces would occasionally flit down into place. But for the most part, he can't quite remember. He lays back on his bed and stares up at the high ceiling above him. Making random popping noises, with his cheeks and tongue. He finally gives in trying to remember it himself. And sits up again, sliding from his bed and crawling across the floor to his computer. Switching it on, he heads straight for Gorillaz. com.

The bands site flickers steadily on the screen and 2D clicks on "The Band" section on the forum. It flashes for a moment and moving down the topics he clicks "Gorillaz break their silence". Inside he finds all the comments they themselves had made. But the fans comments had been deleted. Slightly annoyed, he backs out of that topic and clicks "Gorillaz break more silence" instead. Inside he finds the same thing. The bands comments, but not the fans.

"Awww. That's not fair. How am I s'pose ta remember wot happened, if I can't find it"? He moans, slumping back and folding his arms over his chest. Then he remembers that Gorillaz Unofficial had a few topics on their site. So he goes back and pulls up it instead.

Searching the 'News page'. He spots a section on the side that reads "Old news" and clicks that. A screen appears with tabs marking the years of news that had been collected. Scrolling down to "2003", he pulls up that page and a topic marked "November 3". Smiling to himself and crossing his fingers, he clicks it. Hoping that the sites owner 2J had transcribed everything that had happened. The screen flashes again, and 2D finds himself on 2Js "Live journal" page. So he scrolls down it and clicks another topic. "Gorillaz return to the forums for a 2nd time in three days, pandemonium ensues". He clicks it and begins to read.

As his eyes scroll slowly down the page, he begins to feel more and more uncomfortable. Page after page of text. Softly he begins to hear a small voice in the back of his brain. Something murmuring at first, then slowly growing into a sharp high piercing scream.

Murdoc is in his Winnie reading a porno. Feeling an urge to pee, he stands and walks over to his toilet. Undoing his fly he steps forwards. Suddenly the front door of the Winnie bursts open, and 2D half crashes inside.

"DON'T DO IT"!! the younger man screams. Before collapsing face down on the floor with his legs still outside the door. Murdoc panics and leaps forwards, almost into the toilet. He frantically looks all around, fearing something terrible is going to happen.

"What! What!! What"!!! the Bassist screeches frantically, almost scrambling up the wall to get away.

"I just pulled up the trans..., tranny..., thing? Scripted whatsit? Of the forum convers..., err? Ations thing. And NOW, I remember why we stopped goin' there". 2D whimpers into the floor.

Murdoc purses his lips and slowly but deliberately steps down from the toilet seat he'd been standing on. He exits the toilet, and calmly walks to the limp body of the Keyboardist. Still sprawled on the floor, half inside, half outside the Winnie. He stops at the young mans head and snaps his fingers. 2D looks up and sees Murdoc silently waving at him to stand up. So he does. The Bassist then quietly steps forwards, waving at 2D to move back. The younger man steps back, waiting for Murdoc to say something.

"2D"? Murdoc finally says calmly. 2D smiles at him, and watches as Murdoc reaches out and grabs the edge of the door.

"Yes Boss"? He looks up and notices Murdocs fly is undone, and goes to point it out to him.

"FUCK OFF"! Murdoc screeches and slams the door. 2D leaps back in fright and habitually ducks for cover. After a few seconds, nothing has happened. So he carefully looks up and back at the Winnie door. He blinks quietly at it and scratches the back of his head.

"I wonder why Murdocs pants were wet"? He mumbles. And shrugging, heads back to his room.


End file.
